How to Build Relationships.

By Sherry Ellingson

Bonding through talking and communicating has long been part of every culture in history. It brings communities, neighbors, partners and colleagues together.

Gossip originally was a positive thing in history, when women would gather around to support each other and share news.

It seems that in recent years of the digital world we have moved away from socializing and talking in person. Texting has replaced long phone calls when you talked and talked for hours and it resulted in bonding. Dating apps. have taken away from people actually making an effort to dress up and go out to meet new people. While TikTok, Facebook and Instagram has removed us from making an effort to catch up, meet up and bond in person and individually. At times these are taking away from being present, think about the work colleague who is scrolling their phone for whatever reason during a meeting. Or the family member who is surrounded by people at a family event but chooses to sit and be on their phone alone.

There are positive attributes of the digital, for instance during the COVID shut down it was the only way to stay connected, catching up via Zoom or FaceTime with friends, colleagues, and family. Having therapy, coaching and various types of classes on line that other wise would be challenging or impossible. These situations are creating bonds and relationships.

Recently I am seeing more community based spaces for people to come together to talk, create and bond with out a phone. For example a woman owned Sewing Studio in Berkeley offers monthly get togethers to do just that; sew/knit and get to know others in the community.

It takes mindfulness and being present to create and build relationships.

Here are a few tips:

1) When possible meet up in person to catch up, if not call or FaceTime.

2) Make eye contact and engage in the conversation.

3) Be curious about the people you are with and ask them about their lives. Then listen without giving advice.

4) Silence your phone or better don't carry it with you.

5) When texting be formal, using the person's name (it adds a little extra touch). Use the 9-9 rule; text between the hours of 9 am and by 9 pm. For work related it should be email but if needed to text make it between 9-5.

The goal is to bring you closer to others in your professional and personal world.

Thank you for reading!

Warmly,

Sherry Ellingson

@sherryellingson.com

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