Updated: Aug 15
I love to analyze, feel in to and notice female friendships. It's probably one of my favorite areas of Coaching. In my blog: The Art of Female Friendship
I teach how to attract who you want as a friend. I also think it's important to look for and notice friendship yeses or better stated friendship green flags. Some people have never been taught or experienced what a healthy friendship feels like. Girls grow to women who continue the repeat the same patterns that they experienced and or saw with their own mothers. Some even tend to repeat the pattern of their own relationship with their mothers, even if there was an unhealthy dynamic. Especially if the girls had avoidant mothers. Mothers who were incapable of being emotionally available and nurturing. See The Attachment Theory.
Here are some examples of friendship yeses:
1-Truly supportive: A friend who is supportive of your life in both challenging times and times of celebration. Notice those who can be truly happy for you when things and situations make you happy. They want to celebrate with you. There isn't this feeling of competition.
They are also supportive when things are hard and sad. They're NOT giving you advice (unless you ask for it), but truly listening and offering compassion.
2-Common values: I can't stress enough how important this is in all types of relationships. This also begins with you knowing who you truly are in the values you create and follow. For example: Politics, honesty, lifestyle habits, spirituality, education, family oriented,open-minded, and more.
3- Lifestyle: Friends who have similar lifestyle as you. 3-Lifestyle No one is 100% but people who are committed to growth if that's where you are in life.
4-Open, honest and loving communication: Friends who are willing to listen and speak in a kind loving way. Friends who are willing to see your side of a situation and vice-versa. Being able to have a honest and respectful discussion when challenges arrive (they do).
5-Respectful of boundaries: Both of you respect each other's boundaries.
6- Non-competitive: This is a hard one, especially if you were raised in an environment that you felt like there was competition with your parents and siblings. There is no "keeping up with the Jonses" in a healthy friendship.
7-Non-judgmental: Not judging each other. No one is better than anyone. This goes back to common core values.
8-Makes the friendship important: This is for both parties. Putting in effort to talk, text and hangout.
I hope this helps in feeling what a true friendship feels like.