The Benefit of Being Ghosted.
Written by: Sherry Ellingson
We hear about situations where people are being ghosted in business, friendships, and dating. It probably happens often. Being ghosted is not a new thing, there have always been people who are flaky and emotional phobic. I bet when the cavemen were learning to date there was a caveperson who decided they couldn’t emotionally commit and never showed up at the cave to take their date on a hunting/fishing outing. That probably caused the caveperson who was being stood up to question what they did wrong and why were they not good enough.
We hear or experience ghosting more now because we are no longer in our close communities. Back in the day when someone knew someone who knew their parents, people were held more accountable. Even that wasn’t a guarantee.
Thanks to the various platforms for various needs: dating, new hires, handyman/contractors, even platforms for friendship such as Bumble we get to meet new people outside of our communities. While technology is the normal, it does leave room for flakiness.
Here I have listed a few examples:
The first example are the employees that ghost the recruiter and the company they have been hired to work for. They were dynamic in the interview process, wore the right clothes, had the credential, education, and experience. They seemed the perfect fit, until they were a no show.
In some cases, they started working until one day they stopped showing up for work. Not returning calls, emails, or texts.
The second example are in friendships, when one person all of a sudden becomes unavailable. You have become close emotionally, have similar interests and truly enjoy each other’s company. Maybe your kids go to the same school, or they were your roommate in college. The next thing you know they stop returning your calls, or they are too busy to hang out.
The third example and the one most people talk about is getting ghosted by someone you are dating, talking to, and you may even be in a relationship with. Then suddenly they are not available; you can’t get a hold of them and in some cases these individuals just disappear.
My last example is with home improvement/contractors. They can suddenly disappear in middle of a project. Leaving your kitchen remodel half -finished.
While it’s a painful process and one that leaves the person being ghosted hurt and feeling “what is wrong with me?”. There is a positive to the situation (s). Personal self-growth and how to handle the next situation.
It’s always a great idea to look deeper and be aware of red flags before getting involved.
Do research on the contractor/roofer before hiring them: utilize Yelp and ask for client referrals. How quickly are they responding to your messages? In California, it seems like we are short of contractors, but look for signs. Are they trying to get you to do something you’re uncomfortable with and unrelated to your goal? Are they trying to make more money or is the improvement necessary to the project you are working on right now?
Are they willing to give you a written estimate?
What type of materials will they use?
How long will they be willing to come back to fix an issue?
Lastly have them put in their estimate when they will be done.
When dating or friendships it takes a while to really get to know someone. It takes time for people to get to know each other beyond what they are trying to show you. It takes life (easy, fun, hard) situations and how each person handles it to make a relationship grow, and how each person shows up for the other person. Be aware of people who don’t take your time seriously: they don’t want to commit to plans or want to go too fast in a short time.
Lastly when it comes to hiring; it’s best to not just look at the resume and their LINKEDIN profile. Education is important but how are they as a person? What is they job/work ethic? That can be found out by truly talking to the applicant and asking questions that are centered on human development. It’s a combination of everything. Their references, skills, education, and does their values align with the position/company you are hiring them for?
While not all these examples are a guarantee that you will not get flaked on/ghosted; it can help bring awareness. When you are aware you can see the red flags and can be aware of how something or someone makes you feel before hiring them or continuing a relationship. And it can help you to have conversations and ask questions to help clarify what you might be thinking or needing based on the situation/relationship.